Unworthy

“You’re such a sinner,” I thought to myself. The barrage of negative thoughts continued, “You lose your temper all the time. You yell at the kids. You’re not patient. What kind of student of Qur’an are you!? No wonder Allah hasn’t give it to you yet!”

I thought I had figured out why it was taking me so long to memorize the Qur’an. “I think I should stop. I don’t deserve to memorize the Qur’an,” I confessed my feelings of unworthiness to a wise friend of mine who had already memorized the Qur'an.

“You’ll never be worthy of it,” She responded.

I looked at my friend, confused. She thought I should stop too?

“No one’s worthy of it,” she continued. “It’s a blessing from Allah. It’s a gift that he bestows on people He chooses.”

Her words struck me hard. I wasn’t just unworthy now, I would never be worthy of these words being in my heart. Allah was choosing me as a vessel for His Words even though I didn’t deserve it. Rather than feeling hopeless that I hadn’t memorized the entire Qur’an, I should be grateful that He allowed me to memorize as much as I already did. I needed to recognize how much He had already blessed me and look at the glass half full rather than half empty!

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' “ (Ibrahim: 7)

Next time Shaitaan tries to stop you from the good deeds you’re doing by convincing you that you’re a hypocrite, remember that your good actions are a blessing from Allah. Be grateful, persist in the good, and avoid the bad so He can increase you.

* I wrote this a few years ago, but I only got around to posting it now.