Soft Heart

“Why would you do that? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you ever do anything right?”

Such harsh words have dire consequences, but they’re significantly more damaging for children. As parents, it is tempting to get angry, yell and punish our children when they make mistakes or do not behave according to our expectations. However, when we stop and think about how we would feel being corrected the same way, it is obvious that harshness is far from the best method.

I have been corrected harshly and yelled at, and even as an adult, the experience was extremely demoralizing. Rather than focusing on improving and correcting myself, the harshness made me feel shame, made me want to shut down, made me feel worthless, and made me develop unpleasant feelings towards those who tried to correct me. 

On the other hand, when a person is gentle, lenient and softhearted, I feel safe to open up and be myself, even with my flaws and faults. I can’t help but feel connected to the person in a way that prevents me from actions that would make the person sad or upset. This connection makes me strive to accept advice, even if it is difficult to implement, because I know the advice is being given by someone who cares and desires to help me become a better version of myself. Such a connection is even more crucial with children, and I have observed that, like me, my children respond much better to gentleness and kindness than they do to harshness.

The ability to be lenient and soft with our children is a mercy from Allah, just as it was a mercy granted to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them.” (Aal Imraan:159). Often when something goes wrong, our own fears and lack of patience prohibit us from thinking clearly, remaining calm and acting with kindness. We worry about the consequences of our children’s mistakes, and incorrectly assume that the situation is an emergency. What if they keep making these mistakes? What if they never learn? While it may seem like being strict with children and compelling them to obey is the only way to discipline, in reality, I have seen that gentleness is drastically more effective. Harshness may get results in the short term, but it fails in the longterm and reduces our children's self worth. It is crucial to realize that the connection and relationship with our children is infinitely more important than immediately and harshly correcting the mistakes they make. This connection actually makes our children desire to make us happy and not disappoint us.

When we are harsh and rude, our speech and actions display it. Often, even with neutral words, our children can sense the harshness of our hearts through our tones and facial expressions. “And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.” (Aal Imraan:159). Our harshness results in our children not wanting to be around us because of how we make them feel. If they dislike being around us, how likely are they to hear our advice, let alone accept it? 

Preserve the connection and the relationship with your children, and next time Shaitaan tempts you to take your anger or disappointment out on them, remember how gentle and lenient Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was, “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. (Aal Imraan:159)

Secret Cheesy Dip

This dip is irresistible! It’s warm, cheesy, and makes your tongue tingle! It tastes amazing with tortilla chips for a crunch in every bite. Even your pickiest eaters won’t realize you’ve hidden spinach and artichokes inside all the ooey gooey cheesiness. Warning: This dip is addictive.

Base Ingredients:

1 pack frozen chopped spinach (9 oz or 10 oz)
1 can quartered artichoke hearts (14 oz)
1 tbsp minced garlic
1 packet cream cheese (8 oz)
3 tbsp mayo
3 tbsp yogurt (or sour cream)
2 tsp Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp black pepper
5 tsp crushed red pepper (or to taste)
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt
3/4 - 1 cup Mexican blend cheese (about a handful)
1 cup mozzarella

Topping ingredients:

1.5 cups mozzarella
1/2 tsp Italian
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper

Directions:

1) Preheat oven to 400.

2) Boil the spinach in a large pot of water—large enough to fit all the ingredients.

3) Cut the quartered artichoke hearts into small pieces and add to the boiling spinach. Add minced garlic as well.

4) When everything has thawed out and is boiling for a few minutes, drain out all the water. Return everything to the pot.

5) Add the remaining base ingredients and mix well. Everything should be incorporated. Taste and adjust seasonings as needed.

6) Transfer to a 9” pie plate and top with mozzarella. Sprinkle the Italian seasoning and crushed red pepper.

7) Bake for 20 - 30 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling and golden brown.

8) Enjoy hot with with tortilla chips or toasted French bread. Caution: Dip will be super hot straight out of the oven.

* To make this dip a day ahead, cover and refrigerate after sprinkling topping ingredients. Remove from the refrigerator about 30 minutes to an hour before baking in a preheated oven. If you’re using the oven for another dish, just put the dip along with it, because it can be baked anywhere from 375 to 400 degrees.

** Adapted from Alton Brown's Spinach and Artichoke Dip Recipe.

Unworthy

“You’re such a sinner,” I thought to myself. The barrage of negative thoughts continued, “You lose your temper all the time. You yell at the kids. You’re not patient. What kind of student of Qur’an are you!? No wonder Allah hasn’t give it to you yet!”

I thought I had figured out why it was taking me so long to memorize the Qur’an. “I think I should stop. I don’t deserve to memorize the Qur’an,” I confessed my feelings of unworthiness to a wise friend of mine who had already memorized the Qur'an.

“You’ll never be worthy of it,” She responded.

I looked at my friend, confused. She thought I should stop too?

“No one’s worthy of it,” she continued. “It’s a blessing from Allah. It’s a gift that he bestows on people He chooses.”

Her words struck me hard. I wasn’t just unworthy now, I would never be worthy of these words being in my heart. Allah was choosing me as a vessel for His Words even though I didn’t deserve it. Rather than feeling hopeless that I hadn’t memorized the entire Qur’an, I should be grateful that He allowed me to memorize as much as I already did. I needed to recognize how much He had already blessed me and look at the glass half full rather than half empty!

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' “ (Ibrahim: 7)

Next time Shaitaan tries to stop you from the good deeds you’re doing by convincing you that you’re a hypocrite, remember that your good actions are a blessing from Allah. Be grateful, persist in the good, and avoid the bad so He can increase you.

* I wrote this a few years ago, but I only got around to posting it now.

Freezy Fruit Yums

This fruity desert-snack is incredibly thick and creamy, deliciously refreshing, and packed with flavor. My children devour it like it's ice cream, and it's surprisingly simple to make. It only requires a few minutes, 2 ingredients, and a high speed blender. I use the Blendtec Twister Jar. Warning: You will be asked to make this often—especially on hot days. :-)

Ingredients:

2 cups frozen fruit
1/4 - 1/3 cup water

* Any combination of frozen fruit will work for this recipe, but my favorite mix is equal amounts of berries (generally strawberries and blueberries) and pineapple chunks. It's tart but oh so yummy!

Directions:

1) Add fruit to the blender. Add as little water as necessary to allow the blender to function.

2) Cover and blend on ice cream setting until smooth and creamy.

3) Enjoy!

Awesome Trails to Hike in Zion

Ever since I first visited Zion in the winter when it was covered in snow, I knew I wanted to come back to hike in the Fall after the leaves turn beautiful shades of red and orange. Last fall we finally made it back, and my husband and children joined me in hiking to my heart’s content. Following are the trails we hiked, as well as some of the pictures from the trail.  There is a mandatory shuttle that runs most of the year, so I’ve listed the shuttle stop for each trail as well. The shuttle map can be accessed at this link. We did the first three trails on the first day, getting into the park as the sun was rising.

1) Scout Lookout Trail (hard) - 4 miles - Shuttle Stop: Grotto (6)

This trail is extremely beautiful, but it is very steep and has several switchbacks. A series of these switchbacks is called Walter's Wiggles. My family (including the 4 year old) was able to make it to the top in a couple of hours. I advise taking enough water and a packed lunch to eat when you get to the top. There is a nice flat area where groups split into those attempting Angel’s Landing and those staying back and resting.

View from Scout Landing

Walter's Wiggles on Scout Landing

My husband and I had decided not to take the kids on Angel’s Landing, but we took turns checking it out on our own. It’s definitely a hike for those who can handle heights and steep drop offs on both sides. The majority of the trail requires holding onto a chain to ensure not falling hundreds of feet below.

Sign at Angel's Landing

Angel's Landing Trail

2)  The Zion Narrows Riverside Walk (easy) - 1.8 miles - Shuttle Stop: Temple of Sinawava (9)

This trail is very easy, mostly paved and stroller friendly—There are a few wet and sandy patches on the trail, but or the most part it was easy to push the stroller. We did this trail after Scout Lookout so my 4 year old could rest in the stroller. The rest of us just strolled along on the trail enjoying the beautiful scenery by the river. Walking beside the river is soothing and there are some livings walls due to the wetness on the rocks. Although this trail connects to the Narrows, we turned back when we reached the Narrows, because we didn’t want to the kids on it this time. If you are are planning on hiking the narrows from here, make sure you have your gear with you, because there are no outfitters once you get to the Narrows.

Beautiful Fall Colors

Living Wall along Riverside Walk

3) Emerald Pools Trail - Lower (easy) 1.3 miles - Shuttle Stop: Zion Lodge (6)

Lower Emerald Pools Trail

Deer by the trail!

This trail is relatively easy but extremely beautiful. We saw a deer right by the trail and stopped to watch it. We used the stroller for the majority of it, but the 4 year old walked near the end of it because the path was too wet, and there were tiny waterfalls.

Near the End of the Lower
Emerald Pools Trail

Lower Emerald Pool

4) Zion Canyon Overlook Trail (moderate) 1 mile - Zion-Mt. Carmel Hwy - East Side Tunnel

Although this trail is relatively easy and short to hike, there are extremely steep drop offs. I would not recommend it for those uncomfortable with heights, but the views are beautiful. I also had to hold my daughter’s hand the entire time. There were places where the trial was so narrow that we had to walk sideways. We hiked this trail in the morning on the way to Bryce since there are no shuttles stop at this trail. From the south entrance of the park, continue about 7.5 miles on SR-9. There will be several switchbacks and a tunnel at the end of which will be a small parking lot. Park at this parking lot and cross the street to the trailhead.

Zion Canyon Overlook

Zion Canyon Overlook

Asian Noodle Soup Recipe

This soup is warm, comforting and bursting with flavor. Inspired by Malaysian noodle soup and Thai Khao Soi, its creamy coconut base and beef broth is extremely nourishing and delicious. The recipe below makes a stockpot worth of soup, so feel free to halve the recipe, or simply share with another family. :-)

Ingredients:

3 pounds beef shank (with bone)

2.5 - 3 tbsp red curry paste (I use 1/3 packet of Mae Ploy brand)

3 tsp turmeric powder

8 tsp coriander seed powder 

6 tsp cumin seed powder

6-7 cardamom pods (cracked)

1 2 inch stick cinnamon

2 dried red chilies

10-12 curry leaves

1 large bay leaf

33.8 oz coconut cream (I use 1000 mL Kara brand)

Whole wheat noodles

Sliced boiled eggs

Directions:

1) In a stock pot on medium high heat, sauté the beef shank with red curry paste.

2) Add the seasonings (not the coconut cream) and continue sautéing. Add a little water to prevent burning. Continue sautéing until all seasonings are mixed well and fragrant.

3) Add water until it’s at least 2 inches above the meat, or at most 2 inches from the top of the pot. Lower the heat, cover, and let it simmer for a few hours until the meat is tender. I let it cook 5-7 hours.

4) Lower the heat to the lowest setting and stir in the coconut cream.

5) In a separate pot, boil the noodles to desired firmness.

6) Ladle the soup over the noodles. Serve with sliced boiled eggs. 

Reviewing with Children

Lack of motivation is a common problem when memorizing. Although we really want to continue memorizing the Qur'an and desire to have the words of Allah preserved inside our hearts, we still struggle with the portions we have already memorized and need to review. I have noticed this lack of motivation in myself, my children and other students of the Qur'an. Following are some tips which I have used to make reviewing with my kids easier. Try whichever ones you feel will work; sometimes different methods work on different days.

1) Make du’a for Allah to put the Qur'an in the hearts, minds and actions of your child and for it to be easy for her. The only way anything happens is first, with the help of Allah, and then with consistent and persistent effort. It’s amazing how strong and effective du’as are.

2) Let your child see you when you are reviewing. The biggest motivator for a child to perform a behavior is seeing her parents do it. Reviewing is no exception. When your child sees you reviewing, she will internalize the importance of review.

3) Talk to your child and remind her about the importance of review. Memorizing without maintaining review is like carrying a bucket of water with a hole in it; eventually everything will be lost. I find that even though my daughter knows the importance of review, this reminder is needed often.

4) Do the hardest review first. Save the easier review for the end when the brain is more tired. For my children, the hardest review is usually what they memorized in the last 3-6 days, followed by their weekly review. We do the remainder of the recent review in the end.

5) Make Qur’an first on the to-do list. The brain is freshest and least cluttered in the morning. Use the morning freshness to your advantage and knock review off the list. Often my kids will do their most recent review and their new before having breakfast. On days they’re too hungry, they do it immediately after breakfast.

6) Schedule a break. My children complete their cycle of old review during the weekdays, so on the weekends they only have recent review and new memorization. This break allows them to rest their brains but still move ahead in new memorization. There have been times where we took a day of the weekend completely off, but that’s rare.

7) Snuggle during review. I have a friend who listens to her son’s review with her head in his lap. I often review with my daughter in my lap or snuggled next to me, even though she is 10 years old! It brings us closer together and makes her feel like it’s her special time with me. 

8) Be gentle. When your child makes a mistake, don’t get frustrated, and don’t get angry. It may seem strange that she is repeating the same mistake multiple times, but when the mistake is solid, it is difficult to fix. Remember that it is difficult to review, but it is even more difficult when the person listening to you is upset with you. When your child fixes an old mistake or completes a portion without mistakes, give her a thumbs up or another gesture to indicate she did well; speaking to her when she is doing well may throw her off and cause her to make a mistake.

9) Review in a distraction free area. My children often review in the car, because there is nothing around to distract them. Sometimes we review in the garage or in the office with the door closed if there are other children around.

10) Set a timer. Set a fixed time to concentrate and see how much can be finished in that time. I used to set a 30 minute timer for my daughter, and that really helped her focus on getting done as much as she could without getting distracted in between surahs. Often she would finish all her review, even though she though she anticipated it taking much longer. Caution: Ensure your kids are not reviewing fast. Reviewing too fast compromises tajweed.

Which of these methods have you tried before? What works for your children?