Stress, Anxiety and Moses

The adrenaline rushed through my body. My stomach was in knots; it felt like i was about to get an ulcer. My palms were cold but sweaty. They were trembling so much I sat on them to hide the shaking. My knees were shaking uncontrollably. My breaths were short and choppy. 

“Ya Allah, please make it end!” I thought in my mind.

These were my thoughts during any large tests I had to take during my memorization of the Qur’an. My teacher gave us skip tests. That means, she would start an ayah (or portion of an ayah), and we had to continue from wherever she left off. Just the thought of taking one of these tests would stress me out immensely.

After one particular test, I showed my teacher my trembling hands. “This is what happens when you test me,” I explained to her.

“Are you afraid of me?” my teacher asked me.

“No,” I responded. 

One would assume I had a super strict teacher, and that’s what stressed me out. In actuality, I’ve never been afraid of her. She’s like a hard candy with a gooey center. I love making that comparison about her, because she always pretends like she’s a strict teacher. In fact, she’s one of the softest and kindest hearted people I know.

So what caused this extreme anxiety and stress? I realized that it may have been the content of what I was studying—the importance of the material I was attempting to place in my heart, mind and ultimately my actions. These words, which I was and am still attempting to internalize and live by, are none other than the words of Ar-Rahman.

Had We sent down this Quran on a mountain, you would surely have seen it humbling itself and rending asunder by the fear of Allah. Such are the parables which We put forward to mankind that they may reflect. (Hashr: 21)

What I finally realized right before my final test for the Quran, is that Allah is the only one who can calm me down. As I waited for my teacher to start testing me, I repeatedly recited the du’a that Moses made to Allah.

[Moses] said, "My Lord, expand for me my breast. And ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue. That they may understand my speech.” (Ta Ha: 25-28)

Although my nervousness wasn’t completely eliminated, I definitely felt the calmest I’ve ever been during a test, and my recitation was slow and controlled. So next time you’re freaking out before reciting, or talking, recite the du’a that Moses made, and let Allah calm you down.

Old Du'as Die Hard

“Why do you want to memorize the Qur’an?” she asked me.

I looked at her, puzzled. I had asked her to come over and wanted to get some advice from her, since she was a veteran homeschooler. I was feeling guilty about spending less time with the kids and more time on my memorization of the Qur’an during the following year.

The question was valid, because I had a lot on my plate. I was married. I had 3 kids—8, 5 and almost 2 years old. I was homeschooling the elder 2. I lived with my in laws and had a busy social life. My own side of the family lived close by.


Why did I have such an strong desire to memorize the Qur’an for as long as I could remember? I had never stopped to think about. Yes, I knew I wanted to memorize the Qur’an because I wanted the Words of Allah in my heart, mind and actions. But why was this desire so intense—extreme even?

Then it hit me. This unshakable need to memorize the Qur’an was actually a result of my mother’s du’a. Since before my mother had children, before she was even married, my mother has always made du’a for her offspring to be huffadh—those who memorized the Qur’an.

What we sometimes forget, is that the answer to a du’a can come in different forms: 

1) Allah answers the du’a the way we asked.

However, this could happen right away, or after a while. “The du’aa’ of any one of you will be answered so long as he is not impatient and says, ‘I made du’aa’ but it was not answered.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim. We have to remember that Allah knows everything, so He knows the best time for us to get what we asked for.

2) Allah stops something bad from happening to us.

3) The du’a is saved for us for the Hereafter.

If you think about it, these are all amazing scenarios. We can get whatever we asked for, we can be saved from something bad, or we can have our du’as as good deeds in the Hereafter. All of this, just from asking Allah. So make du’a! You have nothing to lose!